I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
