she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
