my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
