after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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