Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
