I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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