You just made me feel so damn special
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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