i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
