You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
