So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
