if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
