we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
