my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Of course I have a pirate flag
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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