if i can run in heels then i can drive
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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