just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
