just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
