How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
