She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
