It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
