dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
