Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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