is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
