he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
