Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
