Got a toothbrush?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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