Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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