i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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