How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
