I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
