I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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