So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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