so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I love having hate sex.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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