We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
