Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
