we're chasing vodka with high fives
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Is it penis luge time yet?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
