I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
