More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
