i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
