what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
