if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
