i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
