i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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