In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
