he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
