Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
