Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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