So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
