Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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