i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
