Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
