I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
