So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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