you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
