he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's shark week go big or go home
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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