Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
