just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
