all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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